Managing emotional reactions to feedback

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TRANSCRIPT: It’s natural to feel defensive, upset, or frustrated when someone comments on work that you’ve put effort into. Critical feedback can feel like a threat. Most of us want to believe that we try our best, and that we are good at what we do. So, when feedback suggests we’re falling short, this creates a mismatch between how we see ourselves and how we think other people see us. Having emotional reactions to these mismatches is a normal human response.

It’s important to remember, though, that those initial emotional reactions to feedback are often temporary. When we revisit feedback after a day or two, it often feels more reasonable than it felt at first. The key is recognising when you need space to cool down and reflect, before deciding how or whether to act on the feedback.

It’s not always the case that negative emotions are bad, and that positive emotions are good. Certain positive emotions, like relief, for example, sometimes make us less motivated to take action, whereas some negative emotions, like mild anxiety, can push us to make meaningful changes. So, whenever you receive feedback, take a few moments to reflect on how you’re reacting to it, and how it has made you feel. Discussing your reactions with someone you trust can be helpful, too, as they might notice things that you’re less able to notice. However, you do it, reflecting will help you to assess whether your emotional reactions are clouding your ability to learn from your feedback.

Another strategy is to reframe your feedback. If it feels upsetting, personal, or frustrating, try writing the feedback in your own words, in a way that reads more like a factual to-do list, without any emotional charge or judgemental tone. Lastly, if you’re not seeing immediate results from your changes, don’t get discouraged. Remind yourself that progress takes time. Setting achievable targets from the very start can ensure that your persistence will feel rewarding rather than demotivating.

In summary, managing emotional reactions to feedback often means pausing to notice, analyse, and perhaps even discuss those reactions. It then means finding strategies that help you to extract the value from your feedback despite how it makes you feel, such as by re-framing it.  You won’t necessarily stop having emotional reactions to feedback, and that’s normal, but you can learn to work with them and make progress.